i am just so emotionally distraught lately. at home, at work, anywhere really.

so i got my third write up at work over the weekend and needless to say, i was very upset about it. i was told that people usually get fired with the third write up, and that because i am a good worker, i get one final chance. i have decided to just move on, do my job and remain professional with my co-workers, and let bygones be bygones. however, it is still very disheartening to know that i am on thin ice at work and that i am quite disposable. 

via text yesterday night, my manager/on and off “friend” told me that he was upset with something i said the day prior. i asked him why and he said that he got upset when i asked him if he was going to leave work anytime soon on monday. i tell him that i was only asking him that to know if he was free to hangout with me because i wasn’t needed at work after i arrived and had nothing planned, which was the truth. and then he replies with, “like, if i thought u had really been disrespectful, and meant it, i wouldve fired u yesterday.” i am honestly so tired of him threatening to fire me and i really would quit if there was a job just waiting to hire me, but i don’t, and i’m so sick of being afraid to step on anyone’s toes at work because they will probably go and make a complaint about me.

and it’s the same old, same old at home. my mom is still a fucking bitch. 

ugh.